Alcoholism Addiction Treatment

I’m sorry that this post is so long, but I needed to tell this story to someone.

My father was a great sportsman who had worked hard throughout his whole life to support my mom and me. He worked from 8 am to 11 pm 6 times a week at a grueling job just to make sure that we could have food, clothing, and a shelter.
I could remember the day that he took his own life as if it happened yesterday. It was a cold evening on January 23rd 2006. My father had a beer or two during the day, since it was his day off. I remember returning from 7th grade, heading on to the computer and in a few hours starting my homework. My father called me into the living room to ask me if I wanted to go out with him and get some air. I told him that I couldn’t since I was doing my homework and that my mom wouldn’t let him go out if he was drunk.(He had an alcohol addiction for a long time now). I would’ve never known that that’d be the last conversation I’d have with him. I went back to do my homework, about 30 minutes later I heard my father going into the bathroom. About 5 minutes following that I had heard a strange sound, as if something had broke. I wasn’t sure what it was but I just ignored it. After awhile my father was not heading out of the bathroom, so I grew suspicious. I told my mom and she said I should go check it out by myself, for some reason I didn’t want to go alone so I asked her to come with me. We entered the bathroom and it looked completly empty, which surprised me for a bit. Than we moved the shower curtain and I saw something that seemed to manifest from an unimaginable nightmare. My father had a wire wrapped around his neck and he was hanging from the shower. His body was limp, pale, with a yellowish sickening hue. I stood there shocked as if I just saw a horrible dream and was waiting to wake up. My mom had let out a scream, yelling out my fathers name. We brought him down and she tried to do CPR and the Heimleich manuever to revive him. I ran out of the bathroom hearing my mothers screams to call 911. I called them in a surprisingly calm voice I said: “My father hung himself, we need help”. I ran out of the apartment just trying to get away from it all, not knowing what to do. I ran to my mom’s aunts apartment who was living on the same floor of our apartment. My mom’s aunt, her son(who’s in his 30′s) and her husband all came to help my mom. I ran down to help the ambulance guys get upstairs(we lived on the 5th floor). A few cars pulled up including a police car and an ambulance. I helped them come upto the apartment. My mom’s aunt and the ambulance guys had brought my mom into the kitchen so she wouldn’t interfer in the way of trying to rescue my father and since it’d do more harm than good with her being next to him. I went into the kitchen and held her saying that it’ll all be okay, and that they’re rescuing him as we spoke. I saw them carrying my father on a stretcher outside of the apartment, and I held my mom so that she wouldn’t interfer with the ambulance workers. We had than been asked some questions by a detective I guess to get our alibi. My mom’s aunt drove us to the ER at a local hospital. They wouldn’t let us into the operating room so we had to stay in a waiting room. That whole time my mom was crying, while I just sat there holding her. I didn’t shed a single tear thus far. Eventually a few doctors came into the room and my mom looked at them with hopeful eyes, their next words broke her heart and killed a little bit inside of me. “Sorry, he didn’t make it.” My mom let out a defeated cry and I held her tightly. Eventually we went to stay at my mom’s aunts apartment without seeing my fathers body that night. Neither of us could sleep that night and the water had tasted very bitter that night. I had not let out a single tear even during his funeral, since everything still felt like an unreal dream.
Fast forward a little bit. My mom had went through the whole grieving cycle and seemed to be fairly fine. In about 8-10 months she got a boyfriend. However, the same hadn’t occured for me. I became much more anti-social desiring to be in a quiet undisturbed place at all times. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to see anyone and I didn’t want to go anywhere. Whenever I did have to go somewhere I’d put on a mask acting like my old self. I did the same thing with my mom. If you were to meet me you’d think I was a normal, fairly quiet teenager. However I had contemplated ******* many times, thinking it over hundreds of times in my head. The only thing that stopped me was the pain it would cause my mom. I became emotionless pretty much, I never felt happiness, joy, sorrow, anything. I gave up on religion and I stopped seeing humans as humans. I saw humans as just objects. In fact I’ve considered killing many times, but the possibility of a higher power existing or being caught and receiving a life sentence always stopped me. Now I’m completely depersonalized, and suffering from full b

Asked by:slayer485