my dad hasn’t ever bothered with me or my sisters, should i just give up on him and leave him to it?
my mum and dad split up 7 years ago because he was violent towards her, he had a serious alcohol addiction and still does and he had many affairs. My mum struggled allot because she has four children and my dad spent most of his money on booze and cigarettes which left my mum with barely any money to feed us or buy us basic urgent things.
He had 3 children with his previous marriage (they are in there 20′s now) and he doesn’t bother with them either and never did when they were younger, he goes to drop off the odd birthday card when he remembers to. my mum used to bring his son to see my dad when they were together but when they split up he stopped seeing him, a few months later my brother slit his wrists and nearly died, due to the fact he loved my dad and he didn’t bother with him any more.
my dad doesn’t give my mum maintenance so we had to sell th house and move to a village neer where my dad lives with his girlfriend who he had th affair with (she is still with her husband and he does not know they are having an affair and have been for the past 7 years).
He doesnt seem to bother with us now ( me and my 15 year old sister) although he comes to take my brother to his house because my dad uses him as a free worker because my dad is an engineer and a farmer and my brother knows how to farm and fix engines. i dont think my brother realises that he is being used but its not my place to say because if he wants to do it then no on is stopping him. when he comes to pick up my brother he doesnt even say hi to me or my sister and its really upsetting.
his dad was similar and had a gambling addiction and he was also addicted to hiring prositutes and bringing them home, in front of his 4 daughters and two sons. he was also sectioned many times and suffered with bipola so i dont know if its the fact that he hasnt learnt to be a good dad from his dad or just the fact that he doesnt love his children. however, my dads brother is a great father to his children.
i have always made an effort with my dad and when i see him i hug him but he doesnt hug me back.
should i shut him out of my life and accept rejection?
Asked by:Jess J
marla posted: 26 May at 12:52 am
First of all I don’t think you’ve been rejected. Rejection is a conscious decision, and if everything you said is true I don’t think your dad has the ability to consciously reject you because of his alcoholism. Having said that, I deal with a similar problem with my Dad, only he does not have any addictions I can blame his lack of action on. It’s the ‘got a new wife, got a new life’ syndrome. Since he got re-married he won’t talk to me. (literally, we got into a fight over his new wife insulting my mom, and he said he does not want me to ever call him again) At first this was devastating to me, but now I could care less. It became easier for me to just be fatherless then to try and become someone I am not for a man who chose a second marriage his children.
So I guess I am saying that your not alone. If I could do it all again I would still have gotten into that fight, and I still would not talk to my father. However I am in my 20s, and was when he told me to **** off. You may feel differently because of your age and experience.
I think the best thing you can do is realize that you can’t change what you have or who your father is. Additionally, even if things change you still have to deal with the pain that he has already created. So try to figure out what you want then try to make choices that you think will bring about that life. Just be aware that you cannot dictate or chose what other people will do, so everything you decide has to be bassed on your actions. If in your minds eye you see your Dad walking you down the aisle or being there when you have your first baby you need to figure out what type of relationship you can have with him to make that a possibility. If you see those type of life events taking place without him already, then I think you have your answer, whether you like it or not. Things like this are painful no matter what you do. There is no right answer, and there is no magic fix it pill, there is only what you want and what you do to get it. Good luck, and if you do cut him out that is his fault not yours. He is the parent in this situation, its his job to be raising you and teaching you how to deal with these situations. Obviously he is not doing it so the blame is on him.
no it 2 posted: 28 May at 3:51 pm
Just consider him a waste of time the guy will never change. Any man can make child but it takes a real man to be a dad