what do i do now?
Life in general is crap. My mum and dad split up around 4 months ago due to my dads alcohol addiction and violence. I later found my mum to be having an affair which had been going on before the divorce. my dad had finally given up the bottle and was doing fine. he no longer lives with my mum and 3 older brothers. He had been paying over 1000 pounds a week for a detective to follow my mum. She ,last week, finally admitted to be having an affair. I felt sick, i never thought i would have to hear this , after all that had been going on it made it worse.
i had to talk to the school health person but this was like 3 months ago when it was just about my mum and dad splitting. Should i tell the school about her having an affair? she was the only parent i actually talked to as my dad scared me (in a way). Now he has found this out he is obviously infuriated and is annoyed but hasn’t drunk. His sister from Iran is over helping him. About 5 months ago he lost his brother (my Uncle) it didn’t help. i also lost my other uncle and grandad… i feel crap and confused. my mum may be moving out soon with her BOYFRIEND , it yet again makes me feel sick to know she is moving in with him. Im 14 and have alot going on lately. im currently staying at my nans house as i don’t feel ready to go home. Soon me and my brothers may be buying a flat or house to move in together as we only trust each other now. i really did think i could trust my mum though. i suppose everyone goes thrpugh similar relationships and problems but i dont know what to do. Im getting alot of anxiety symptoms like;
-shortness of breath
-being worried about small things
-tiredness
-irritableness
-aching muscles
-tight chest
-chest pains
-sleepless nights
and overall i feel **** i get annoyed with good friends when i really shouldn’t be.
im a pretty sporty person and the chest pains, muscle aches, tight chest and shortness of breath really don’t help.
i am hoping to go to the doctor soon but not sure yet…
i think i may be suffering depression too i find it hard to concentrate alot and can’t concentrate in school. i dont know what to tell teachers… i can’t always focus on my homework aswell and believe me im not just tryin to get out of doing it.
i feel i only love my brothers now… i dont really want to see my parents much again… same with my brothers.
i still feel like i love my mum but i don’t have any trust or friendship like we used to. i don’t always feel comfortable talking to people either. and when i talk to my friends they don’t really listen well and just go… ‘ Oh well im sure it will all get better’. The amount of times ive been told that lately and it has got worse…. ym family has been torn apart… i don’t have anything to live for (im not thinkin about ******* btw) like say… If i get good results… who do i tell? who am i going home to? …
you know what im saying? sorry for the long story … thanks in advance … xx
By the way there is no chance that my mum and dad are getting back together and i dont agree that my mum continuosly lied to me and my brothers thanks for all of your answers so far
Asked by:Ducky181
cariad0101 posted: 04 Aug at 4:36 am
Child Line are always there to listen and can give you some great advice. They are a free phone number so won’t appear on you phone bill and you don’t have to tell them your name or address. You need find someone who you trust 100% and talk to them. Don’t hold back anything and you will feel better just getting things off your chest.
Another great way of getting things of your mind is to write them down. Write everything, good and bad then destroy the paper. Sometimes just releasing things can help you see more clearly
pollie posted: 07 Aug at 3:45 pm
You are going through so much and I just want to tell you to hang in there. You are 14 and you should not have to be going through this. Your parents have let you down and I do not blame you for being mad but you need to pull yourself together and focus on school to better yourself. If you grandparents are good people then do the best you can with them. I think your Dad was wrong and your Mom was wrong and you were stuck in the middle. You are having all of those problems because of stress. Divorce is hard on kids. Get involved in sports or some type of exercise it relieves stress and will help keep you healthy. If you can talk to someone like a youth pastor I think that would help. I beleive in GOD and if you ask him he will lovingly help you through all of this. Do not give up and I will pray for you.
hmmmmm….. posted: 11 Aug at 12:23 am
it could get worse, trust me. it could be alot worse. one of my besties is way worse and preggie don’t got no parents or friends all she really has is bros and sises, and she didn’t have *** with her bf, he ***** her and her bro is smoking and she lives with him and 2 other *** guys (their all ***. what do ya kno. o_0 ) but idk where right now. prob somewhere around new york last time I heard. but ok, ur situation. the whole pains thing, you should go and see a doctor. and you should go and see a person to tell all ur probs. I kno at some schools they have like, ppl that you can go to, if not then their are ppl out there. and if ur friends just like tell you that it’ll all get bettr then go off and have fun and ignore you, their not really that great of friends anywayz. start going to church, I love my youth pastor, she’s the most awsome person ever and I can always go to her with my probs and get really good answers. if you don’t have a youth pastor go to ur actual pastor. that’s what he’s there for. find a Christian group to help you. and if you end up not liking it then you can stop. but I’ll assure you that u’ll like it and get alot out of it too. I hope that this helped and that things DO get better. I’ll be praying for you.
Tracy W posted: 11 Aug at 11:43 am
you should be happy for you mum…she’s obviously had to deal with a lot from your father….she’s only human at the end of the day…is she really wrong for looking for a bit of happiness, she’s probably been unhappy with your father for a long time,but waited till you kids were old enough before ending the relationship…she still your mum…ya dads still your dad…
never_mind_mee posted: 13 Aug at 5:14 pm
hi… i don’t know how to start… no matter what i say or anyone else says, i know we can’t truly feel the way u do n u may feel like noone understands… but i can try to imagine placing myself in that position… n i know i’d NEVER EVER want that to happen yo me or anyone i know…. all i can say is be STRONG… it’s easier said than done, but u need to understand that since u can’t trust any one of ur parents now (n i don’t blame u there) it wud only b wise to stay close with ur brothers… share ur troubles with them… let them talk about their feelings with u as well. u all need to be there for each other and talk things out… u hav only got each other havnt u? Nothing that drastic has ever happened to me in my family but i’ve had serious problems in my life as well with people i’m close to…. i mean SERIOUS problems… n u know wot… i learnt one thing for sure…. the human spirit is stronger than ANYTHING that happens to it…. and as far as ur friends r concerned… i’m sure they understand ur going through a really hard time… if they don’t then they’r not ur friends at all. try not to lose ur temper too much on them k… everything will work out… don’t worry… i belibe that all these things that happen to us in life happen for a reason… and there’s always a lesson to be learnt out of them, no matter how horrible or painful these events may be. i have had a very bad experience in my life and i though i hurt really really bad for over 4 years, i finally learnt something and moved on… i actually felt free, happy and so much more stronger afterwards. Soon u’ll feel that way too… trust me. n it’s ok to still love ur mom… though there’s no excusing wot she’s done… but it’s natural… u can’t **** her overnight.
U tc k… everything is bound to work out. N i’m not saying that, the same way ur friends say it… i mean that when i say it. it feels terrible, but remember ur brothers r ther… so if u get good results… go tel ur brothers…. tell a close friends… tell nan… or just tell me! it’s probably not the same as goin home n telln mom n dad but it helps… know dat people r still there for u… lots of people hu mayb not even knowin u….
U have a lot to live for… don’t evr say u hav nothn to live for…. u hav a whole life ahead of u…. don’t waste it on something u can’t help…. tc k… once u learn to cope wid it all n move on ur symptoms will gradually disappear…
Best of luck…
Miranda T posted: 15 Aug at 6:00 pm
Hi
Im not really sure what to say but I have gone through very similar problems with my family also. It hurts. It really does. I understand how your feeling. Betrayed.
My dad cheated on my mom and his girlfriend let my mom know what was going on when she was in labour with my brother!! I have tried to get over it but it hurts. I also can understand your feelings of being “scared” or your dad. My dad was addicted to cocaine and he lost everything shortly after loosing my mother.
Me and my mom never really got along to begin with but I am slowly trying to make her a part of my life again. I moved out to live on my own when I was 13. I worked full time and went to school, finishing high school without any support from my family. They didnt even believe be when I told them that I graduate. I am stronger no because of them. I would like to believe so anyways. I have worked hard- and am now 22… I barely speak to both my mom and dad, because I dont see things in there perspective and also dont like my dads new girlfriend. I have worked hard and now have my own place and vehicle and although I cant afford school at the moment it is on my list of things to do, as soon as I can do it.
Recently (2 days ago) I kicked out my boyfriend who was using me for everything I was, had, and was willing to give. There have been many times that I have just wanted to give up- but you cant. You have to make it for YOU. You are the one that matters. Its a good thing that you have sibblings who can help look out for you too.
Just touching on the depression subject- I have felt very sad at times in my life (right now being one of them) – Im sure I may have been depressed at some points in my life but I have never been treated for it. I would suggest that you dont start taking depression meds if you dont HAVE to.. they are not good for you and could cause you problems later in life… just be strong.. I know its hard.. Life is hard.. but you need to prove to the world that you can survive. You can!
Since you like sports you should try to keep active, since excersice is great for making your body and mind feel better!
Right now you need to worry about you. Worry about your parents later. Support your father when he is making healthy decisions (not drinking) and talk to anyone that will listen- they may have good advice! I hope you feel better soon.. somehow, someway, it will get better
follow christ posted: 19 Aug at 3:59 am
let me try to help you understand .your dad has been an alco.and violent that would make any normal lady find some attention from someone else the bible offers all kinds of info on family’s threw jesus christ the fathers son i think it can be saved that is the marriage as far for you all you can do is point out the wrong to both of them and try to help the lord can lead you in this if you look in 1 cor. 13:4-8 you will see what love is and challenge both of them to follow that and i promise they will come back together killing yourself will not help but be the worst thing you can do everybody loves you and you have to know that you did nothing to cause all this .please read that scripture and ask christ to come in your hart he will be thier